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Ladies, time for pillow talk

Darren Metzger
Published on January 28, 2012
Published on January 28, 2012
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Darren's Drivel

Now, that I have your attention. Is there anything more gross than the color your bed pillows turn after a while? It just kind of sneaks up on you. I thought mine were fine until the other day when I was doing my bi-yearly sheet washing. Kidding, of course. Anyways, I couldn’t believe how yellow, stained and gross they were. I know I am prone to drool from time to time. If I could tell you some of the dreams I have, you would understand, but I didn’t know drool could do that much damage.

So, those pillows are gone and I’ll be shopping for new ones. But, I can never seem to find the right pillow. I like a soft and relatively flat pillow. People rave about memory pillows, but I find them just to be too hard. I’m sure I will feel up many a pillow before I decide on ones that won’t just be quite right.

I’m sorry if that wasn’t the kind of pillow talk you were expecting.

Before Facebook, how many people did you say Happy Birthday to in any given year? I’m not really sure either, but it definitely wasn’t in the hundreds.

On a completely unrelated not, why is it that when I need  to spell “definitely”, I spell it wrong every time? I am at the point where I just try to make sure it’s close to the actual spelling and let Spell Check do the rest.

I’m not very superstitious, but why does it make me feel better when I actually “knock on wood” or “touch wood”, when I say something that would maybe tempt fate? “I sure hope we don’t have a blizzard tomorrow......knock on wood”. Like those three little words are going to change everything.

It’s kind of like when a hockey announcer says the word “shutout” late in the third period and that somehow will make the goalie let in a goal. Silly, really. I’m sure we all have some superstitions or do things that we think will prevent bad things from happening to us. Some we might not even realize we do. For example, whatever side of the bed I get in, I have to get out on the same side or the world will come to an end. I’m sure everyone does that.

I’m apparently full of question this week. Did you ever notice how awkward a full-on wave is? I mean, like waving your hand/arm back and forth for an extended amount of time. 

It just feels weird and looks that way too. Don’t believe me, give it a try.

Living in a small town, you get used to waving. But, it’s usually the one finger wave (no, not that finger) or you just lift your hand and move it for a split second, and that’s it.

Finally this week, I’m sure my co-workers mentioned in their columns the Twitter war that broke out in the office this week. So, I’m begging and pleading you to follow me @DarrenMetzger, because I am way behind when it comes to followers. I am somewhat of a chronic re-tweeter. Most of those tweets are quite funny, some are touching quotes but some are also highly inappropriate, so follow me at your own risk. Twitter is a lot of fun and a good way of keeping up with the latest news and happenings in the world, so come on over to the dark side and join me in the Twitter universe.

Ok, one more question. How many people actually waved while reading my column this week?

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